Days like these

Still can’t get used to so much emotional weather in the same day. Morning brings the darkest storm clouds with gales threatening. I haul myself out of bed with the promise of breakfast, despair nipping at my heels. Had to go back to bed for a couple of hours, exhausted with the emotional and physical roller coaster of it all. So much for my resolutions to get up and out there.

Then late morning went out to get the paper and take more of Mum’s stuff to the charity shop. Took her off the electoral roll – another dagger to the heart. Not that she ever voted in the UK – she felt no one was worth it after General de Gaulle no longer presented himself at the ballot box.

Quick lunch then out again to try and get some air into my lungs and reoxygenate my brain which just seems to be pumping out darkness. Nice chat to young woman in shop about nothing in particular and briefly felt as though I had rejoined the human race.

Then conversation with lovely woman – see previous post, which left me with very mixed feelings. Sadness at her predicament, gratitude for her kindness and guilt at my happiness that she knows exactly how I’m feeling. Sun briefly shines.

Then to early supper with good friend and to lecture at St Paul’s Cathedral about finding saints and sinners in our everyday surroundings. Illuminating and inspiring and the clouds lift again. Taxi home.

It’s the unpredictability of so much weather in the same day that’s so wearing, though recently the darkness has become all too familiar. Just have to batten down the hatches.

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